The Mental Load

Perhaps it is because I am a clinician who takes health insurance, but a common theme I'm noticing among my patients is burnout. Among my working parents, my professionals, and my overall high achievers (looking at you, teenagers), a common theme that comes up a lot when we are in therapy is the feeling of a mental load that others simply cannot grasp. I have seen this lead to difficulty with relaxation and often creates a cruel internal monologue. It can also create loneliness and hopelessness if left unmanaged.

A heavy mental load isn't something that is created overnight. With each of your roles as a parent or an employee or a partner, it has probably began as a series of tasks that were added to your plate. You begin by remembering the dance, practice schedule, the doctors office visits, the the grocery shopping, the immunization schedule, the car maintenance and pretty soon the fact that you are able to keep all of this going gets taken for granted by those around you. The weight of those invisible resposibilites adds up and before you realize, you're resentful, exhausted, overwhelmed, and drained of your emotional energy.

I often see decision fatigue, cognitive strain, and a low level of background anxiety. Look, you can be capable, responsible, reliable, brilliant, and still feel this way. This is not a reflection of your ability. It is a normal human experience. And odds are, you're feeling this way because you've been placed in a position of trust by others (or self-assigned) to "handle it."

If you're reading this and starting to feel like some of it sounds familiar— maybe you've noticed it's getting harder to focus because you're juggling so many responsibilities, or you feel like everything will fall apart if you stop managing it—I want to gently challenge that thought.

It's not true.

There are ways to reduce the mental load, little by little, and find your way back to being more present with the people and moments that matter.

One thing that has helped me significantly reduce the background noise in my own life has been using shared calendars with both my family and my colleagues. At home, my husband and I keep a whiteboard in a place where we both see it regularly. It helps us remind each other about upcoming commitments and check in on what's been done and what still needs attention. We even keep a small to-do list on the side so tasks don't live only in one person's head.

I've also had to work through some of my own perfectionism and intentionally redistribute responsibilities that other people are capable of handling. Sometimes that means asking for help, which can feel uncomfortable at first.

For me, that has looked like:

• asking friends for help with childcare occasionally

• hiring an administrative assistant for my practice

• and even hiring someone to mow our lawn

The lawn mowing might sound small, but for some reason it had become a weekly source of stress in my mind. Letting that go created more relief than I expected.

Reducing the mental load doesn't mean everything disappears overnight.

But every responsibility that moves out of your head and into a shared system-or into someone else's capable hands-creates a little more room to breathe.

And that space is often where we begin to feel more present again.

These changes take mindfulness and careful thought to plan. If you'd like support in managing your mental load, we are here. Please reach out.

Warmly,

Katy